Abuse vs. submission

I have many, many vanilla friends that are very much vanilla they don’t understand why, I would subject myself to spankings, allowing someone to use a crop on my backside or tie me up and do as they wish to me….

I try to explain it to them but in there eyes, I am being told to do this against my will, or they have brainwashed me or whatever else they think I just smile and we agree to disagree.

I have seen many things lately of people saying bdsm is just a way to have approval to abuse someone or you are a weak woman or submissive cause you allow this to happen to you, you are just supporting abuse against woman.

Here is what these close minded people don’t get is that when I am in a loving relationship with a Dom male of my choosing there are rules, boundaries, terms that have been spoken of he will never go past those boundaries with out my say so, with out my explicit agreement. ( If he does well he just broke my trust and that relationship is done)

There is always the Safe, Sane and Consensual or known as SSC involved when we play, he never raises his hand in anger, it is never with malicious action. He is always informing me what he is doing how he is going to do it and I have the ability to use my safeword and all play stops there and then nothing will happen, is there a chance that you can lose yourself in mental games and the mental mind fucks that come from Bdsm relationship yes, but that person is not a real Dom at that point he is just an abuser if he is using the mental power to control you he is nothing but a controlling male then he is not a true Dom.

If a man just hits you cause he wants with out explanation or that you have agreed upon it then he is a abuser, he is not a true dom, if he hits you when angry he is a abuser .

As for being a considered being weak cause I let a man have this power over me, let me explain something when I go in to a relationship I have rules as does the dom and these rules are spoken and agreed upon and he and I both know if he or I break any of them then the relationship is lost it is ruined and will never ever be again.

When I give my submission to a Dom of my choice it is me regaining the power cause nothing happens to me or with me with out consent, with out talking it through and I am giving him my submission by “Choice ” not cause I was told to, not cause he beat me to do it, that does not make me weak it makes me the submissive the strongest in the relationship and any Dom, good Dom knows this and if he truly cares about you he knows that if he over steps that boundary ever he is done, the trust is gone, they understand this and most of all my submission is revoked forever.

It is not nor was it ever abuse cause I was in control the whole time, can D/s type relationships go wrong yes just like Vanilla relationships go wrong, no type of relationship is damage proof, shit goes wrong in all walks of relationships, but most don’t want to admit that so lets attack the lifestyle that allows in there eyes to be violent and offensive to take the brunt of Abusive relationships.

Any and all types of relationships should be built on, respect first and formost, loyalty, understanding, communications and when the time is right love, when your partner fears you or you fear your partner that is no longer and relationship that is now abuse no matter the type of relationship.

So before you start telling people it is wrong, or you are weak take a good look at all relationships and I can guarantee you that bdsm, or no bdsm the chance of abuse and misuse of power is all over the relationship spectrum so maybe do some research and really open your eyes to the world not just 3 feet in front of you.

Submission = Power of choice not weakness.

Kiki Slade



3 thoughts on “Abuse vs. submission

  1. I completely agree with you! It’s impossible to explain to close-minded people that just because your partner likes to tie you up and spank you doesn’t mean you’re in a abusive relationship. In their mind, it becomes an “Uh, oh, she’s with a crazy guy who’s going to beat the crap out of her.” I don’t bother trying to explain. I don’t want the look of “And why do you have these unusual fantasies? Were you abused as a child?” As if enjoying a dominant relationship is something you can be cured of. I want a dominant man, one who can take control in the bedroom and out. A man like that gives you such a complete feeling of safety and protection. Thank you so much for your post. It’s excellent!

  2. You are completely, 100% RIGHT!
    And there’s a reason I don’t tell anyone in my vanilla life about D/s…I don’t want those kinds of questions or concerns.

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