Slut did you say…

So my 11 yr old came  home today asking what a slut was I just looked at her like I was slapped in the face and she got this Oh shit look on her face, “mommy I’m sorry am I in trouble” I just shook my head told her no, I asked her what do you think it means she said she asked her friends and then said you have lots of sex with lots of people. I of course just sat there gobsmacked why does my daughter have to learn this word and the meaning ?

slut  (slŭt)

n.

1.

a. A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.
b. A woman prostitute.
2. A slovenly woman; a slattern.
This is what the word means in the dictionary I hated this word for a long time not cause it is a word but cause of the message that is behind it and why is it that woman and men throw it around like please and thank you?
It was not till I started in the bdsm lifestyle that I learned it does not have the same meaning it is like endearment to some but it can also be a trigger for some, then I learned about slut shaming…now there was a eye opener.
I was as the word stated a slut in my early years and it was dirty word to me and it meant everything the dictionary pointed out but the shame that went with the word was the worst. I have always believe that words become bad when you give them power and I found slut in vanilla life to be dirty and imoral in the lifestyle it is term of endearment or can be damaging depending on the situation.
We give words power we give them meaning and we can take it away just as fast if we use them in different way.
It angers me that the vanilla society assumes that we are all sluts and everything that words means to them if a woman or man is to sleep around with many partners why is it our business and why does that make them a slut cause they are enjoying there life , if they are being smart and not sleeping with people that are in relationships and have no ties why is it bad? It isn’t it is society that has deemed it bad and slutty. It angers me that our society had assumed that using slut is okay you hear teenagers use the word like it is childs play, I hear it come out of babes mouths and it pisses me off.
Now if you are in the lifestyle you hear the word and you just smile like cheshire cat  cause you know it means something totally different is that because the meaning behind the word has changed or is it cause the lifestyle is more open as a society and it is just a word  ? Or is it because people have taken the power of the word and its meaning away ?
I love the word slut it is term in which I know I am his slut, not the slut or does it mean I am sleeping with countless people, but when I hear my 11 yr old daughter say it means something so very different no one called her that thank god but the girls called others that, what I want to know is why are these babies getting these words from parents, siblings do they even know the meaning behind it or the power of that word to some especially to a young and innocent girl who is struggling with her self esteem and self confidence .
I explained to my daughter that it is a word that is it, but it is what the word means that is bad and it should never be used against anyone ever cause it is useless word in the dictionary and what others do in the privacy of there own lives has nothing to do with us and it is not our job to judge and by using that word we are giving it power.
Does that make me a hypocrite cause I like the word in my lifestyle choice but telling my daughter not to use it ?
I trying to raise my daughter to be vigilant of herself, her words and use her smarts and think of others and also I have always had a open door policy with her if she hears something or sees something she is not sure about to come to me and I will explain it or get her to do research in to it but this one just pissed me off, cause I asked her how she felt about the word and she said it feels bad and I just shook my head cause that right there is what is wrong with the word it is the meaning behind it that is hurtful and has no use in our language it is not the word itself.
Think before you speak and I mean in tone and in context cause it is us who give words the power to uplift or to damage.
Kiki Slade
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5 thoughts on “Slut did you say…

  1. You asked if telling her not to use it made you a hypocrite, my answer is a resounding NO, it doesn’t. At least it doesn’t to me. The question is, does telling your daughter not use it make you feel like a hypocrite?

    I think that at 11 years old she would be too young to understand the difference. Therefore, the best decision was made, and that was to tell her not to use the word. As she grows older, you will have a teachable moment when that conversation can be revisted. But, again, just my two cents as a father.

    • Yeah but what bothered me was she already felt the nasty meaning behind the word so it was hard one to explain to her… You know some days parenting sucks the big one it is not just a matter of don’t use the word she won’t I told her not too but what bothered me was the meaning was already there for her… sigh

      • Yep, being a parent can suck sometimes. But, there will come a time when you will be able to have a more adult conversation about it. Although, at that point, she will probably be mortified you are even talking with her about that. Lol

      • Good lol bo just kidding I am happy and proud of her that she came to me with the question and when she throws me doozies it is hard at times to keep a no shocked looked and answer very calmly and try not freak out 🙂

  2. “this one just pissed me off, cause I asked her how she felt about the word and she said it feels bad and I just shook my head cause that right there is what is wrong”

    I think it is a good thing for your daughter, or any other child, to feel bad when they hear the word. At that age the word is not used as an endearment, it’s used in a mean way to degrade. If you take down your child’s defense of what words should and shouldn’t be said, what words should and shouldn’t hurt, then you leave them vulnerable to abusive language.

    Telling her she is right, it is bad and if anyone calls her that she needs to tell you, is a service to your daughter. And, will give her the power to stop any verbal abuse she may be suffering. As she grows up and is able to discern words and usage, you can then lean her understanding of words and lifestyles toward something more open-minded.

    Slut, Whore, Bitch.. and countless other words… may not feel degrading to some women but taking the power of self-protection away from their daughters by telling them ‘they are just words’.. well, they shouldn’t be surprised when their daughters then come to tell them they’ve been abused in some way or other.

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